Thursday, January 20, 2011

They say he has autism ...

... but I still say he's my "Supernova."

It's been a while since I've written.  Too much going on, too much to process.

... everyone's an expert.  "Be your child's advocate!"  "Vaccines caused this!"  "Change his diet!"  "Why didn't you (or the doctors) notice/act sooner?"

... or on the flip side, "He's a perfectly normal little boy!"  "There's nothing wrong with him!"  "He's going to have a label for the rest of his life!"

All right, people, enough already.  He is our son.  God entrusted him to us for a reason.  And I'm hurting right now.  I'm grieving.  My dreams for him are dead.  He's the same child he always was, but ... I'm not the same parent I was yesterday.  This is what I need you to understand.

He is fearfully and wonderfully made.  He doesn't need fixing.  But he does need help -- this world is not going to change for him.  And I need help ... I'm not cut out to do this on my own.

No one is.

Know this: God designed my son for His glory.  My dreams are not necessarily God's dreams for him.  God will show His strength through our weaknesses.  But it still hurts.  The labels, the assumptions, the criticisms. 

Meanwhile ... God's opening my eyes to the "lesser told" stories of Autism and Asperger's.  Temple Grandin. John Elder Robison.  And then I find myself reconsidering ... Moses.  He was temperamental, socially awkward, and "didn't speak well."  Hmm.  Is it possible that God hard-wires certain individuals with a social "manual transmission" for a reason?  Perhaps my son is meant to be this way. 

For now ... I will continue to seek His guidance on how to raise my son.  My peace comes from the One who willingly gave up His own son.  By His strength, I continue.


  1. Wow....You write so profoundly. I'm so glad you have this outlet.
    I understand your grief. God's plan is not revealed now. As my Mom told me God isn't going along with your plans....It hurts; the loss of a dream, but our reality is so much more than what we expected. When Sarah was diagnosed. We were told she'd be in special ed by the time she hit 3rd grade and graduation might be out of the question. My daughter is a force to be reckoned with.God sure had a plan for her.

  2. E is fearfully and wonderfully made...and yes, God has a plan for his life...and yours...we will pray for strength and endurance for you and Erin as you seek HIS wisdom and guidance...don't let anyone make you feel guilty...he is God's little man...

    Wendy and Ty


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